Mums all over the world will tell you that being angry is just part of the motherhood package. Wherever you are now there will be mothers near who get angry as a part of their day. This is a non-judgmental site so if you find that you regularly do anger don’t judge that as a bad thing. There are always reasons for your actions and here is a chance to look more closely. How do you use anger?
Anger is defined as a strong feeling of annoyance, displeasure, or hostility. When we think of a baby who won’t stop screaming or a toddler who bites. A child who refuses to cooperate or a teen who rolls their eyes each time you talk. We can see that it seems reasonable that mothers get angry from time to time.
Just because it can be seen as reasonable doesn’t mean it’s the only way to be. It’s just one of many choices. Some people may say it’s not a choice and that their children make them angry. That’s something I’ll go into more detail with at a different time.
There are a few reasons why we use anger, one being as a way we take care of ourself. When something happens that we see as bad for us, our anger works to make sure we don’t allow the same thing to happen again. This means by making us feel so uncomfortable, we are moved to take action.
This system of harnessing anger backfires. It may have been formed as a way to keep ourselves happy but how can we be happy while feeling angry? The feeling we churn within our self is not helpful or pleasant. Also the actions we take when angry can often end up harsher than we would take while calm.
Instead of moving to resolve the issue we can end up adding to it or creating more issues. While moving in a moment of anger we forget to see things from another perspective. This is an important aspect of mothering children of all ages.
Another way in which anger is used is as a means of communication. Many people have learnt as children that being unhappy will move other people. As anger is a stronger way to display unhappiness it seems logical that it must be useful in some way to get us what we want or to show how much we don’t want something. Don’t we have to get angry at certain things to make sure our children know we mean what we say?
Some mothers allow anger to erupt because it’s a way to let out the unhappy emotion. When you feel angry it can build up and stay with you for as long as you focus on it. This means that after carrying this feeling around for long enough it is a relief to let it out. Unfortunately this can be in the shape of being a snappy mum or even shouting at your kids for something small that wouldn’t usually get such a response.
All choices have consequences and using anger is no different. The first thing to note is that the anger doesn’t really gain the effect we initially wanted, so it doesn’t even work.
Another thing to see is that our actions are what teach our children so they learn to use anger. Meaning that you’ll be on receiving end of it. They will also learn to tune out as they get used to dealing with your anger. Leaving you both with a more distant and weaker relationship.
Once you have acted out of anger before talking there can be more emotions to follow. Feeling that your not doing a great job, or the burden of guilt and self doubt. Anger is a response a feeling that comes from you, your thoughts. It may be that you have developed a pattern of anger so it seems fully automatic and out of your control. There is always a choice of how you respond.
Being angry doesn’t have to be a part of being a mum. Other responses are just as reasonable, calmness, reflection, patience. Its not wrong to be angry it’s just not that much fun.
Do you use anger as part of your life as a mum? Would you like to change that?