Dealing with Disappointment 2

how to deal with disappointment

lady feeling disappointed

During times of disappointment it may seem like nothing goes right, the whole world is against you and there’s nothing you can do. Yet this is not the attitude that empowers you, more often it increases frustration. In short this feeling sucks. So what can you do, you cant control the people or events around you. As you keep reading you will find six ways to deal with disappointment, you don’t have to do them all but I recommend choosing more than one to put your all into. 

a time when i felt disappointed

Lately I’ve had to deal with disappointment in my life and I wanted to share that with you and the ways I identified to help not only myself but my daughter too. My gorgeous little girl went for her judo grading. This involves her showing her skills and abilities to the judges. For them to award her a different colour belt if she has improved enough.

In short, she didn’t get her yellow belt. I know how that sounds but I couldn’t be prouder of her. It wasn’t that I wanted this for her or felt that she was entitled to it. It was the fact that she had set herself this goal, that she had worked so hard. Putting all her effort into preparing. As far as I could see (not that I’m biased or anything) she did just as well as her peers. In the second fight she got ippon in seconds! (which is really good).

She’d practised at home too, and at the classes for weeks. Even her instructor said she had been most improved lately. Once she had done her fights she had to wait for the result which took hours. Hours of excitement, wondering, hoping. 

thats not all

After the waiting her friends were called one by one before her. Each receiving their yellow certificate for their achievement of a yellow belt, to be collected at a later date. Finally she was called and handed a white certificate. She had been awarded two yellow bands. 

It’s not just that, although it did kick me in the gut, it was what followed. My little girl held in her disappointment until she reached my lap and she sobbed her little heart out. Hearing her say she was disappointed with herself, that’s what got me. Seeing her beliefs change about her own ability. 

The next class she stood there clapping as her friends all were called to the front and awarded their yellow belts to wear. She had to stand down the line after all the yellow belts, not just stand by her friends anymore.   

changing your disappointment

Believeability is believing in your ability to be happy. It doesn’t mean never being unhappy or being constantly happy. It’s about knowing that your feelings are down to you and when you become aware of them not feeling great you can change them. This is a skill that gets easier and easier the more you practise. 

I became aware of how much I dislike this feeling of disappointment, noticing how it hindered me from being the best mom I can be. That’s when I put together the following ways to deal with it. It helped me feel better free once again. We’re all different so different things will suit different people with different situations. Choose two or more to try out and see how they work for you. You don’t have to do them all, just find what’s right for you. 

sort it out

Feeling disappointed can lead to feeling badly about many other things too. It takes one belief to create the initial disappointment yet it is easy to create many more reasons to feel bad once you do. This can leave you feeling bogged down with many unhelpful beliefs, and before you know it, it can seem hard to face the real problem. So sort out one reason for your disappointment at a time. 

talk it out with someone

Sometimes just saying things out loud can really help you to hear what your thinking. It may be enough to have someone understand how you feel to allow yourself to let go. We all know keeping your emotions bottled up is never the answer. You can be grateful to have someone to share with. 

reframe the situation

How you are thinking about the situation right now is not the only way to see it. By thinking about how bad it was, sad it was, or mad you are, really only strengthens the disappointment along with other unhappy feelings. People feel disappointment as a way to be helpful to themselves how is this feeling serving you? 

A great way to reframe the situation is to ask yourself different questions, what went well, what did I learn from the experience, somethings are not down to you so look for how you can be happy now. Once you begin seeing one good outcome you may notice more and more appear. 

Put it into perspective

Even though at this moment in time the cause of your disappointment seems very central to your life. Will it be the same next week? Will it still matter next year or in five years or ten? Know that this will pass. Take a step back from the situation to look at all the wonderful things around you in your life and if you dare, begin to feel that wonderful feeling of gratitude growing for you now. You can list them down so you can see that even though one thing led to feeling disappointed, there are so many other reasons to feel happy and blessed. 

Move forward

Lets face it the more you keep picturing it, reliving it, the more you will keep feeling that disappointment over and over. With the same intensity, if not more than when it first happened. Focusing on all the reasons why what happened was bad changes nothing at all. You’ll feel the same way and some things could have gotten worse with your not being fully present. 

How do I move forward? First you accept what’s happened whether you like it or not its done. Then you can focus on what’s next, what do you want now? If you have a goal that didn’t get achieved what do you do, you keep going. Just because it didn’t happen yet doesn’t mean it won’t. If you have to change your goals, change them.  

change the belief

By realising what your belief is about the situation your giving yourself the opportunity to change that belief. Ask yourself what am I believing about this? Beliefs lead to feelings so think of a different belief that would lead you to feel a different way. All beliefs are made up so why not take advantage of this and make up one that serves you.  

deal with your disappointment

This is where you can decide, keep thinking the same way and feeling the same thing or decide differently for a change in how you feel. Remember that no one can control everything and that’s good right? It is this that offers us new ways to grow and learn. Just as you tell your children they cannot always get what they want so its the same for us all. This can be the most useful experience to show your child that they too can be happy even when they don’t get everything they want. You can help them learn that while helping yourself too. 

Next time your disappointed share how you feel with your children talk about it and the choices you can make. What a gift that will be. An empowering situation for you and your children. If you’ve enjoyed this you may be interested in 3 Tips to Stop Worrying.

If you have anything to add please do in the comments below. Let me know if there are other ways that you prefer when your dealing with disappointment.